Someone left the damn flu open again, and all the heat is flying right up the chimney and out into the open air. This heat doesn't just accidentally stumble on the opening in the hearth either; it is actually sucked out with a great invisible force like a riptide. The heat goes up and out until it mingles with the frigid winter air making hardly a ripple before it disperses. It's gone.
I think the flu handle is broken or something because I can't close it. I can't keep the ideas in. I can't even find the ideas because they're flying out the open flu at warp speed, and they're dissembling as they go. Just as I think I catch sight of one sparkling like a dew drop, full of promise, floating in the air, off it flies leaving only the wispiest hint of itself in its wake. It was only the ghost of an idea.
Every once in a while, I'll grab one of the bastards on its way by me and I'll squeeze my hand tightly so I don't lose it. I'll try to calm it down so it doesn't make a mad fleeing dash, and then when I'm as sure as I can be that it's going to cooperate, I breathe in a calming breath, exhale, and then start begging. Yes, before I open my fingers to see what I've got, I do some pleading. I explain to my prisoner (whatever it may be) that I'm not as mad as I sound. I don't hate you for being illusive, I just find it frustrating. I need you, I say. You're there and I know it, you're keeping me warm in your way, but I can't focus until I've crystallized you and let you go myself. You can't just fly away before I let you, you see. All I want to do is keep you so I can write you down. When ideas like you get away, I tell my fist, it's just ... unsettling. So stay with me, idea, and I'll write you down and then set you free. Please.
I arch my thumb, just barely, so I can peek into the dark space in my hand. This could be a good one. My pointer finger follows suit, slowly. Am I trembling? Is this idea that powerful?
I relax the rest of my hand. Please don't fly toward the flu, I whisper.
Dust.
If I had it at all, it's gone now.
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14 comments:
that was very well said. As usual. Even when you have NO ideas, you STILL write brilliantly.
So.
When are we getting married?
I wish when I had no ideas on what to write - I could write it like you. *sigh*
At least I get to claim you in that weird cyber way, "Did you see what my BFF wrote? She's awesome."
Yep it happens to me too but you said it so well!
You should see how many draft posts I have. Some of them are only titles. They were all there in my head in their entirety at one point. I'm waiting for blogger to be able to do telepathy.
You have a whole handful of Them. Look. Right there.
Every time I come here, I see a fistful of them.
And then when the ideas are clear, fluid and abundant, where is the time to capture them?
A bloggers dilema.
Your writing is worth the struggle.
I have this notebook, with scribbled words and sentences. Ninety percent of them are lost to me, even though I wrote myself a note.
Um. Yea. Me too. You just say it better.
I hope this makes sense when I tell you that your blog to me is the equivalent of a Seinfeld episode. Even when it's about nothing in particular, it is entertaining and brilliant. And when you do have a story to tell, it all comes together at the end.
I'm following you! Vodka mom told me to, and I always listen to Kindergarten teachers. So, How you doing? Its nice to meet you!
I loved this post. Not that your idea jetted you, but your writing. Is. Amazing.
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!
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