So my sister, somewhere along the line, was stripped naked of all of her power. When did this happen to my beautiful, strong, supercool, sometimes angry big sister? The one who kicked ass on the soccer field, broke boys' hearts, flung her gorgeous curly blond hair around while she laughed (yes, sometimes at me), told my dad to fuck off, sang out loud, and wasn't afraid of a thing. The one who went to Social Work school, made it almost all the way through, changed her mind and went to Medical School, finished, and became a pediatrician. The creative, independent one with the perfect teeth who taught me how to make tomato sauce from scratch. The one who sent me care packages, even though my own mother never did, when she was in graduate school and I was in college. The one who was so very very powerful. What happened to her?
She did all of that schooly school stuff for so many years that I think she looked up one day and realized that she better take care of some bidniz and find a man to marry - quick. She never was one to fall short of reaching her goal, so she did that too. Only problem was she wasn't very specific when she SET the goal. And she married a tool. A tool named ROLAND.
So she and RoRo play house for a while and have themselves a couple of kids. And these kids and Roland are slowly but surely beating my biggerthanlife supercool sister with the beautiful eyes and hair and laugh into the ground.
For whatever reason, she's decided that everyone's needs are way more important than her own. She is miserable, overlooking herself at every turn. Her kids are horrid to her: screeching and tantruming, and wailing and flailing. She sighs, rolls her eyes, and meets their needs. But never her own. That supercool sister I looked up to so much? She doesn't exist anymore.
And I miss her.
This is a dangerous post to write.
3 days ago